It's a beautiful morning today.  I had plans on running nearly three miles at the golf course/park after dropping oldest son at his civil air patrol meeting.  However, I get there and I see several cars in the parking lot. I see a group of about 5-7 men playing disc golf. I see 2 more cars pull in to either fish or play disc golf.
I get self-conscious about hitting the pavement.  So I take off my mp3 player, I put my keys back in the ignition and I leave.

I don't know why I get this way...well, actually I do, but I don't know how to fix it.  I'm a little self-conscious when I go to the gym, but that feeling goes away once I get working out.  I think this is partly due to the variety of people there.  Also, no one is staring at you there, they're all busy getting their own workout done to care how you look doing yours.  Only thing I ever have anyone say is "Good job" on a day I was really working up a sweat.  Everyone has the same goal, just at different levels of achieving it.

However when you go outside and run people stare.  I really don't like to run after say 8am on weekend mornings because of this. I'm not some skinny, in shape, fit looking person.  I'm overweight and have more jiggle then I care to have.  I worry about how I'm looking in my shorts/capris. I worry if any stomach or back skin is showing (sometimes my shorts slip down, but it's not like I'm flopping around a belly roll, but I get nervous showing too much). I worry when my shorts ride up too high on my thighs.  I end up thinking over all the wrong things instead of concentrating on my run. Is my form good? Am I going heel first? Do I need to correct anything? Is there a car coming?

If I'm out before anyone is really up and going then it's great.  All there is, is the sound of sneakers on pavement and music playing softly in my ear (I keep it to where I can just hear it so that I can hear sounds around me as well). The birds are chirping, wind blowing my hair. I'm feeling great, got that running high going on.  The minute  I start to see people sitting on their porch smoking their morning cigarette that feeling goes away and I just want to hurry up and get done.

This morning I was thinking that maybe having a running partner would help.  Someone to run and talk with to keep my mind off my surroundings.  I may enlist one of my kiddies for that position, they're old enough and I'm slow so they would have no problem keeping up with me.  Adults I know, that work out, seem to prefer to do it in the gym or at home on the treadmill.  They're the walkers, the just barely want to break a sweat people.  You know the type...their make up is still in place when they get done...they wear make up.

When I get done working out I want to be red faced, sweaty, ponytail done slipped and big smile on my face.